


Helpless

by SandfireKat



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Dinner Parties and Dancing, Established, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Hamilton - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, ShaunxClaire, cuteness, yeah you read that tag right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 01:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13987092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandfireKat/pseuds/SandfireKat
Summary: Requested by eleoopy and coldsayyou (wewriteletters): Both just requested a Shaire fic.The experiences Shaun has had with love haven't been positive ones. Maybe Claire can be different, but it's a matter of trust. He has to trust she won't leave him behind like everyone else has; that she truly loves him and that she isn't going anywhere. It's just hard, to have such a situation so uncontrollable, where you are so vulnerable. He never likes feeling helpless. But that's all she makes him feel.





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a result of requests made to me by eleoopy and coldsayyou on my tumblr blog thegooddoctorheacanons. If you like it, I'd love to hear your feedback, and I'd really appreciate you checking out of the other shorter snippets of writing I have on there! <3  
> This fic is a bit of an experiment, at least in the first part. I wanted to do something new and different from all my other ones to get out of my rut a bit, and I wanted to test my skills in writing (for lack of a better word) 'in-time' dialogue too, if that makes any sense. Both requests didn't really have any finite details to them, but I knew that coldsayyou is a sucker for musicals, so...here you are!! I certainly tried my best, haha, but it might not be saying much. I don't know how I feel about it. If there's anything horribly wrong with this story, I would love to fix it and maybe help it sit a bit more right...  
> Anyway, thank you for reading! I hope you like it, and I hope I can hear from you!  
> Also: for the purposes of this fic, as made evident later on, but I thought I'd just mention here, too-- Claire and Shaun have been dating for a while.

As medical students, and now more specifically medical residents, studying was second nature for Shaun and Claire. Heck, it was less of 'studying' for Shaun as it was just a hobby— when he wasn't doing anything else, he would typically always end up cracking open some textbook he had read through five times before. Claire tended to study online instead, but she would never hesitate before pouring herself into pages of medical research or history, enthralled in the smallest of details and committing each to memory. Her laptop was full of bookmarks of webpages she found the most interesting, quizlets that had helped her the most throughout school, and ongoing research she was keeping up with. Shaun's books were worn from use— the corners of the pages curled and frayed, in the aftermath of years spent thumbing through them.

Like every other doctor on the planet that had gotten to where they were, Shaun and Claire were avid studiers, even now; neither of them hesitated before throwing themselves into mastering a concept, or an idea. That is…Shaun hadn't hesitated before this. It had taken so much convincing on Claire's part to get him to listen to this with her, but she had been adamant that he needed to 'study.' "You don't go into a surgery without knowing the details, Shaun," she'd pressed, ages ago. "And this isn't any different."

He'd dragged his feet. Claiming that it was, in fact, very different. He hadn't even wanted anything to do with it, when the tickets were first being sold— Claire had to practically beg him to buy one and promise to go with her. She was very skilled at arguing and swaying people to be on her side; she had been in the debate team in high school, with all her teachers claiming, "That girl could sell ice to an Eskimo." Shaun didn't have much of a leg to stand on when it came to fighting the points she made. Though he'd certainly tried, and he got points for that, at least.

Another just as likely culprit to his easy give was the way she had given him the best sorrowful stare she could possibly manage, complete with a wavering lower lip. The way she had sorrowfully asked if he would go with her, so she wouldn't be alone, as she clasped her hands up to her chest pitifully.

Yeah…that might have had a little more to do with it.

Whatever the reason for Shaun's relent, it had happened. He'd bought the tickets – she'd told him he didn't need to buy hers too, but she'd come to realize that when it came to money Shaun was just very bad at the whole 'saving' thing, and he wouldn't take no for an answer – and ever since then, they had been…studying. At first that wasn't the way Claire had chosen to describe it, but when it was clear Shaun was trying to wriggle out of it all, she was forced to adopt that description, just to get him to stick with it.

Though, in a way, she did have a point. Some musicals you could go to without hearing any of the songs, and you would be perfectly fine. But this wasn't one of those musicals. When it came to this musical, it was almost a requirement to listen to the soundtrack before you went— you had to know the songs inside and out, to fully appreciate it. Or maybe she was just too excited to wait for their show date, and she was just desperate to get Shaun to listen more, so he would like it. That could be it, too.

For the past month, in preparation, Claire had gotten Shaun to listen to the soundtrack with her, and she'd encouraged him to actually be excited, rather than just look at her like she was forcing him to eat an entire onion as if it was an apple. He'd been more open about his distaste in the beginning, but after a while, he stopped fighting as much. They listened to it a lot now, when they were in the car, or just hanging out, and though Shaun was never as enthusiastic as Claire was, every so often, she would see a tiny smile on his face that almost conveyed excitement.

Some might claim she was being too optimistic in putting such a label on it. But she was a pretty optimistic person in general.

Now, they were back where they usually were. Taking up residence in Claire's house, knee-deep in the soundtrack during another 'study session.' After so many nights just like this, Claire had nearly every song memorized, forwards and backwards. Though she would be the first to admit that she had started listening to them long before she'd finagled Shaun into doing the same. It was better with him, though. Everything was better with him. Though now, tonight, they had more company than they usually did— an extra party member. Which kind of took away from the time shared just between them…but it was also good to have another person there to sing with her. Shaun only liked to listen. Which was fine— she wouldn't dare push him to do anything he didn't want to.

But, she had to admit, it was a lot more fun having Carly there to belt out the lines with her, rather than just taking up the job herself and trying to cover all the parts.

Right now, they'd hit Claire's favorite song in the entire play, and Carly must have harbored the same bias, because no sooner did the first note chime its way forward, did both girls immediately squeal and hit the table in excitement. They'd made Shaun nearly jump straight out of his skin— he looked up from his plate with eyes practically as big as the moon. He'd lost grip of his fork, and it had clattered down against his plate.

The three of them had made dinner all together with the CD playing in the background, and they'd eaten dinner listening to it too, between conversation, of course. But the very second this song came on, Claire and Carly both sprang from their seats, apparently drawing the meal to a close. The two girls leapt up to their feet, doling out parts and already grabbing each other's hands to spin around in tight circles. Shaun watched them in frank disbelief. He was truly hoping they would sit back down. But after their initial screeching of excitement, and once they figured out who was who, they joined in in just enough time to start singing together.

"Helpless!" they sang, actually doing a pretty good job of harmonizing together. They both were more than decent singers, when they actually put forward the effort to be so. Shaun remained where he was, still sitting at the table as he just watched them with eyes that were a little rounded with surprise. His lack of playing along though, wasn't enough to deter either of the girls. They kept going, swaying and hopping perfectly to the beat. "Look into your eyes, and the sky's the limit, I'm helpless! Down for the count, and I'm drownin' in 'em!"

Claire let go of Carly's hands and spun herself to the left, across the dining room floor. She was doing her absolute best Broadway performance— overly so, as Carly fell into a fit of giggles. She took the lead without a single pause, falling perfectly in line with the woman on the recording. "I have never been the one to try and grab the spotlight. We were at a revel with some rebels on a hot night!" She flung out an arm to gesture to Carly. "Laughin' at my sister as she's dazzlin' the room!" Her friend gave an exaggerated bow. Claire was already turning, closing one eye and smiling fondly as she pointed across the room to where Shaun was now up and clearing the table. "Then you walked in, and my heart went: boom!"

Shaun stiffened when she signaled him out, freezing to hold the plate awkwardly in midair. Claire giggled on her next lines, grinning at him mischievously as she kept parading around the edge of the room. "Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom, everybody's dancing' and the band's top volume!"

Carly leapt back to her and they danced back-to-back, Shaun still now as he listened to them both call: "Grind to the rhythm, as we wine and dine!"

"Grab my sister and whisper," Claire whirled around and yanked Carly close, mimicking a murmur by raising her hand to the side of her mouth but singing just as loud: "Yo, this one's mine!" she trilled, nodding her head towards Shaun. By now, he was lowering the plate, a look of dread coming over his face. A look of dread that was soon proved rightful, as Carly smirked and started to shimmy her way over to him. He was already shaking his head. Claire feigned a look of outlandish worry. "My sister made her way across the room to you! And I got nervous, thinking: 'What's she gonna do?'" Carly acted in time with her words as Claire sang: "She grabs you by the arm, I'm thinking: 'I'm through!'" Carly was coercing him into putting the plates down, so she could cart him over. They were getting into a small tousle, over it. Claire snickered at the look he was shooting her. "Then you look back at me, and suddenly, I'm helpless!"

Shaun gave up and allowed himself to be steered. Carly whirled him around and pushed him along by his shoulders, managing to do so also while keeping the background going. By now, Shaun was fighting just the tiniest hint of a grin— Claire could see it in the very back of his expression, slowly wriggling its way forward. It made her chest blossom with a surprising amount of warmth, and when his gaze met hers – ever patient, ever endearing – her hands went up to clasp dramatically at her heart. "Oh, look at those eyes!" she sang, and she had to stop and burst into a fit of giggles when she saw Shaun's face go red.

He always flushed when she complimented him— it was just one of the many things she loved about him.

She had to recover from her laughter, which had only made Shaun blush a brighter shade of red, and by the time she did, she'd missed a few lines. But that was okay; she ignored Carly's pretend glower and quickly picked it up again. She smirked and winked at Shaun, hopping forward to meet them halfway as she pointed at him with both fingers. "I'm so into you! I am so into you!" She twirled a circle around them, Carly forcing Shaun to at least pretend to have fun and do the same, as Claire continued. "Down for the count, and I'm drownin' in 'em!"

They all stopped at the same time after this, facing one another. Claire was smiling breathlessly— Carly stepped out, so she could stand by Shaun rather than behind him. There was a gap in the music, Shaun's (implied) part coming up. He didn't follow it though— he only stared at Claire as if he'd never seen her before. Though she'd never danced and sang quite like this. The most she'd done before now, when they were listening by themselves, was hum and mumble a few parts. Then, he'd told her, ever so faithfully, she'd sounded beautiful. Now, he just looked completely winded.

Carly cleared her throat, replying to the question he didn't ask. "I'm about to change your life!" she declared.

Still, Shaun was mute, and there was a gap. He looked nervous, for some reason. Which didn't quite make sense. Carly puffed out her cheeks.

Claire's eyes softened. She grinned at him encouragingly. "Elizabeth Schuyler," she introduced, sticking out one hand and making a show of tossing her hair back with her other. Shaun's eyes drew to the movement immediately. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

This time he did reply— his voice was softer, and more of a croak. "Schuyler?"

Claire lit up like a Christmas tree.

"My sister!" Carly gushed.

Claire inched her hand closer, looking at Shaun adoringly. Partly for show, partly because she just couldn't help it sometimes. "Thank you for all your service," she murmured, affection flooding her eyes when Shaun reached out to gently take her hand.

His reply was earnest and sincere, as if he truly meant every word. His blue eyes searched hers as the side of his lips edged into the hint of a smile. "If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it," he assured. And somehow, the line was ten times better coming out of his mouth, in his tone, than it ever could be anywhere else. Her smile grew about ten times as much when he delivered this, and he seemed to register the reaction because his grin widened, too.

For a moment, they paused, and simply smiled at the other. Carly's eyes lit up in a very knowing way, clasping her hands behind her back as she spun away on her toe. "I'll leave you to it!" she snickered.

Some part of Claire wished to stay there longer. Standing with Shaun in the middle of the room, still holding his hand, because both of them had forgotten to let go. But with the change in beat, she was jarred out of her stupor, and she felt her cheeks flare hot. Quickly, to try and hide her lapse, she shifted her hold on Shaun's hand just so, so she could lift her arm and twirl. He obliged and helped her, like he always did. She delved on into the song. "One week later, I'm writin' a letter nightly! Now my life gets better, every letter that you write me!" She stopped short on her second twist, and stopped so that her back was to Shaun's chest. She melted when he didn't pull away— when he held her close, instead. She threw a teasing look to Carly, who'd flounced back. "Laughin' at my sister, 'cause she wants to form a harem!"

Carly looked up in an over-the-top look of love, as she leaned out to wrap her arms around one of Shaun's. He looked frazzled, with the gesture. "I'm just sayin', if you really loved me, you would share him!"

"Ha!" Claire let go of Shaun's hand – reluctantly – and danced back to the edge of the room. "Two weeks later, in the living room stressin'! My father stone-faced while you're askin' for his blessin'!" Immediately, Carly assumed the role, given she was the back-ups. She scowled, crossing her arms across her chest and looking Shaun up and down with a critical eye. Shaun stared at her warily. "Dying inside, as you wine and dine, and I'm tryin' not to cry," she pointed at him again and grinned, giving him a wink, "'cause there's nothin' that your mind can't do!"

Carly stepped importantly to the beat up to be in front of Shaun as Claire narrated: "My father makes his way across the room to you!" She closed her eyes and flung her arm over them in despair. "I panic for a second, thinkin': 'We're through!'" Carly scooped up Shaun's hand— he'd been staring at Claire, and now he whirled back. "But then he shakes your hand and says: 'Be," up, "true!'" down. "And you turn back to me, smiling, and I'm helpless!"

"Look into your eyes, and the sky's the limit!" Carly chorused, throwing herself into dancing now, as she stared to parade back in laps. Claire couldn't keep her distance anymore; she rushed back to Shaun eagerly. "I'm helpless!" Carly went on. "Down for the count, and I'm drownin' in 'em! I'm helpless!"

Claire pointed to Shaun again as she danced over to him. Her smile was ecstatic, when he caved and strode to meet her. "That boy is mine, that boy is mine!" she bragged, meaning her words now, as she took his hands in hers and had him twirl her again. She grinned when they came back together, and she could raise her brown eyes to meet his. His were soft, and fond. She wondered how she came to be so lucky as to see that level of affection there. "Helpless!" She started to slacken and let go. And draw the song to a close, though there wasn't any resentment in the fact it would meet its ending prematurely. Her voice was just as warm when she sang: "Down for the count, and I'm drownin' in 'em..."

But Shaun didn't let go of her hands, even when she started to loosen her grip. There was a pause, and another gap in the song, like there had been before, as he missed a word. But the pause was only hesitation, this time— it wasn't a refusal. He caught back up after the stumble. Claire went stiff as a board, shock flooding through her when he picked up the song again, a little clumsily. His grip on her tightened, with nerves— his eyes sparked with them, as well. Still, he tried to keep up all the same. "I don't have a dollar to my name, an acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame..."

Carly screamed from the corner of the room. Neither of them looked at her. Claire was positively beaming up at Shaun, and he cracked a smile once more, still nervous. His voice was soft, but it was alright, because she could hear every word. "All I have's my honor, a tolerance for pain, a couple of college credits," he dipped his head to the side, "and my top-notch brain." Getting over her initial shock, Claire just grinned at him now, and began to lead them in a sidestepping kind of dance. Nothing big, but it went along to the song as Shaun plowed along. "Insane, your family brings out a different side of me. Peggy confides in me, Angelica tried to take a bite of me. No stress, my love for you is never in doubt." She melted at the word, finding Shaun's stare so earnest it was if he was really telling her so. "We'll get a little place in Harlem and we'll figure it out."

The two moved together surprisingly effortlessly. Shaun wasn't that great a dancer, but neither was Claire. Together, though, they were pretty alright. Carly was just looking on now, grinning at the pair with undisguised investment. Shaun's eyebrows drew together more when he went on, and he looked at Claire a little more intently. "I've been living without a family since I was a child. My father left, my brother died, I grew up buck wild. But I'll never forget my brother's face, that was real." He reached up, delicately threading his fingers through her hair to tuck it back behind her ear. She smiled wide at the gesture, as he leaned closer with it. "And long as I'm alive, Eliza, swear to God, you'll never feel so…"

"Helpless!" Carly completed, pretty much over the moon, now.

Claire was smiling so much, her cheeks hurt, and she found that her voice was just the tiniest bit choked when she sang out: "I do, I do, I do, I do!"

"Eliza!" Shaun sang, much more eagerly now. They kept twirling together, less than two inches' apart.

"I do, I do, I do, I do!" Claire returned.

"I never felt so…"

"I'm down for the count, and I'm—"

Shaun beamed, twirling her again, and bringing her closer when she came back to him. "My life is gon' be fine, 'cause Eliza's in it!"

Claire looked up at him lovingly, unable to hide the emotion even if she wanted to. "I look into your eyes, and the sky's the limit! I'm…!"

She didn't finish— she found she wasn't quite able to. She broke off, smiling big as she just fell into silence, letting the recording take them the last few words, instead. The music changed to the wedding march; they still stayed together, holding one another close but not dancing anymore. They just stood together, a little breathless, and winded. Carly turned to take up the job that Shaun hadn't been able to finish, finding it only right. She started to stack their plates together, nodding her head to the beat and murmuring under her breath: "In New York, you can be a new man…in New York you can be a new man…"

Claire and Shaun didn't break apart to help her; they were glued. Shaun's cheeks grew a little pink the longer they stayed like this, and Claire was certain hers were doing the same thing. She didn't want to let go, though; she wanted to stay right there.

She would be content if she was never able to pull away.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

They didn't even make it through the first disc before Carly had to leave. They all helped clean up after dinner, listening to more of the songs as they washed the pots and pans, too. There were no more dancing or theatrics, but Claire and Carly still sang along— just much quietly, now. Shaun took back to silence. This time, he wasn't pressed to do anything else. He seemed content to just listen, which was just as good. Every so often Claire would catch Shaun looking at her, and she would smile at the softer gleam in his eyes. He would return her grin briefly, before ducking away. It made her giggle.

After they washed the dishes and cleaned off the table, they listened to a little bit more before Carly interjected that she had to get going. They all had work the next day, and, though she loved to hang out here and listen, she hadn't been able to get a ticket along with them before it sold out, so she admitted that the longer she was there, the more jealous she became. This was all said teasingly, of course. Claire had hugged her goodbye, and Shaun had tolerated the embrace that Carly gave him. She'd complimented Shaun on his rapping skills, to which Shaun replied he had none. She'd left laughing.

Now, they were both in bed, on their respective sides. Sometimes, Claire had to admit to herself that she thought it was strange, them being together the way they were. It wasn't a bad strange; it wasn't a bad strange at all. It was just…strange. Different. They had been together for almost three and a half months now. They had gone out on many dates, and they had spent their breaks at the hospital sitting together, talking and laughing. She had told Shaun things that she'd never told another living soul, and Shaun had started to open up to her as well, little by little. He was slow to do so, but she was patient, and understanding.

It had been months, and she was closer to Shaun now than she had been with anybody in her entire life. She had slept with Jared, yes, which was still something she hadn't done with Shaun, but she hadn't trusted him with her past injuries, or her present-day worries like she did now with Shaun. She hadn't spent an entire night up with him talking about anything and everything she could think of, too anxious to let the conversation die just in case he might fall asleep and she would lose time with him. She had never woken up in the morning with her head already turning to the side before her eyes could even open, just because she was so excited to see him again.

She loved Shaun Murphy; she loved him with all her heart. She knew that— she just hadn't said it. Because they were moving slowly, and that was okay. She understood whenever he hesitated, or asked if she was okay, or doubted himself. After Lea and everything that had happened with her, he was worried, and sometimes he walked on eggshells. She understood, so she never pushed him. She accepted every limit he had, and every wall he put up without a single hesitation.

She was more than willing to match his pace, because she cared for him that much. It took her breath away. Every guy she had dated, basically, she had rushed into things, or focused only on physical attraction and nothing more. With Shaun, it was different. It was more important to her. He was more important to her. Than…possibly anyone she had ever known, before. There were boundaries now, but they would fall soon enough. When they first started dating, he had been averse to hand-holding, but now, after she had figured out just the right way to intertwine their fingers, he hardly ever walked anywhere with her without linking their hands together. For the longest time, whenever he stayed over, he would sleep on her couch, curled up by himself under a threadbare blanket. Now he had an agreed-upon side, whenever there were late nights.

She twisted her head, looking over at him now. His eyes were closed, but she was almost certain he wasn't asleep. His breathing wasn't deep enough, yet. All the same, when she spoke up, her voice was a tiny whisper, just in case. "Shaun?" she breathed. "Are you awake?"

His blue eyes fluttered open. She melted when he turned so that their gazes met. And an affectionate smile crawled over her face when he replied with a tiny: "No."

She giggled. Shaun smiled with success at the joke, like he always did. She imagined he kept a tally of how many times he could get her to laugh. To be perfectly honest, the count was probably higher than either of them thought it was. The smile stayed on her face, somehow unable to leave, as she murmured: "You're a good singer." It felt wrong to talk above a whisper, even though they were the only ones there.

Shaun looked at her indulgently. "I'm not," he objected, keeping his voice fair and ignoring her when she snorted again. "But thank you for lying to spare my feelings."

"Anytime," she snickered. She watched him turn and fiddle with the blankets, some. He was always pretty particular about how they were arranged. A moment of silence passed like this, before her smile turned more into a frown. "You usually like karaoke," she noticed, and he stilled a bit to glance back at her. They'd had plenty of nights that had somehow transformed into a karaoke party; mostly, those were with Jared, and he and Shaun dove hard into songs like Bohemian Rhapsody. Most of the times, it seemed like it turned more into a screeching contest than it was an actual performance. And to be fair, it was usually after a few drinks. But it was usually one of Shaun's favorite things to do. But, tonight… "This time, you didn't seem like you wanted to want to sing along. Was it…because Carly was there?"

Shaun blinked. He looked away, a little tenser. Immediately, Claire felt guilty somehow. "I did sing," he offered after a second.

"I know," she replied, her eyebrows pinching more together. "I just…wondered if you only did it because you felt like you had to. Because you didn't have to." Shaun still looked away, and Claire weakened. This wasn't really such a big deal, in its definitive terms. But the principal root was an important one, so she pushed herself up to sit. Shaun looked back at her when she did. "I don't want you to feel like you ever have to do anything you don't want to, when it comes to us, Shaun," Claire elaborated. He only blinked. "I want…to be exactly what you want, and nothing else. For everything. No matter how small it might be."

He sat up, with this. He looked worried. "You are everything I want," he objected.

She softened. He said it simply, like it should have been common knowledge, and the way he was looking at her, so concerned she didn't understand, made her even happier, if such a thing were even possible. She ducked her head a bit. "Well…good. Because you're everything I want, too." The admission came easy, after he had already tested the ice. But it also came easily because she had been waiting for some time to finally say it. She wasn't sure why— they would always give each other compliments and fawn over one another. Heck, Shaun had been calling her beautiful and smart and so on even before they started dating. Now, he almost never stopped. Even though he blushed and hated it when she did the same for him.

But somehow, this sentiment seemed more final. More serious, and when it hung in the air, it left her feeling more vulnerable. She wasn't sure what she was expecting Shaun to reply with, but it certainly wasn't the reply he did give her. She hadn't expected him to stare at her a little blankly and ask: "Why?"

Her heart pulled, at the question. She searched his face for a moment, as if trying to figure out whether or not he was joking. But he genuinely seemed puzzled. "Because…you are," she fumbled, her affection suddenly waning into pained uncertainty. Shaun was still silent, apparently unpersuaded. She tilted her head to the side. "Shaun…do you not know how much you mean to me, by now?" she demanded. "You're exactly what anyone could ever want…I'm lucky that I get to have you. I'm lucky someone else didn't take you before I had the chance to. I'm lucky that you started to work at Saint Bonaventure and I even got the chance to know you."

He looked down at his hands, lying on top of the comforter. Softly, he hedged: "Are you lying about that, too? To spare my feelings?"

"Of course not!" she blustered. "Shaun, I mean every word. I don't talk just to entertain myself…that's Jared's job." She added this lightly, to try and ease the tension. She could see that it didn't really work. All the same, when Shaun kept his eyes trained on his hands, she added: "And he can't get fired from that job, because his resume can't take many more hits."

"I can't be exactly what you want," he tried to fight her again. She was already opening her mouth to fight him on this, when he ended bluntly: "I have autism."

It punched her in the gut, to hear. She said nothing, in its wake, too winded to form a single syllable. Her lips were pressed tightly together as she just stared at him in silence; he didn't look up to meet her. Usually it was a little difficult to discern exactly what Shaun was feeling, but now it was written all over his face, even in the dark. He was nervous, and scared, and miserable, with those words passing over his tongue. And sitting there, the first thought that came to Claire's mind was to wonder how long he had been carrying this burden around with him. With how tense he seemed now, she wondered if the thought had occurred every time they held hands, or sat together out at restaurants. Whether he doubted every kiss she gave him, or every compliment.

A long time ago, what seemed like ages, now, he had asked her if she would ever date someone with a disability. She had answered quickly, with a confident 'yes.' His response had been to laugh, like she'd told a joke. To grin and ask her why she would want such a burden— hinting that she was too good for something like that. That had been ages ago. She'd thought that, once they'd started dating, he had left such a train of thought far behind him. Now, she was realizing he'd just kept the question to himself. It was back out in the open again, though. Being presented in a different way, to the same person, in an entirely different situation.

She was worried her voice would be strained when she replied, so it came out a bit flatter than it usually did. "Yeah, but I don't care about that," she managed.

He seemed prepared for the response, because his reply was already coming out the second she was through speaking. "You can't not care," he protested, almost indignant with the idea. He was still looking away from her— she wished he would turn back around. She leaned out more to try and catch his eyes, but it was useless. "You have to have an opinion. The fact you don't want to talk about it indicates you're uncomfortable. I make you uncomfortable."

"Shaun, no," Claire rejected, flatly again. He winced a little bit, but she pushed on. "Shaun, I don't talk about it because I don't need to talk about it. I like you the way you are— I like everything about you. There's not a single thing I've found to complain about, yet." His eyes flickered to her, and she quickly put a smile on her face. "You're sweet, and loving, and kind, and you see the best in people no matter who they are. You're so much smarter than I am, and you're patient, too. You're a good friend, and an even better boyfriend, and every day I feel lucky I get to have you. You don't make me uncomfortable, Shaun, you never could. I promise you that. And I would never lie to you. I haven't before, and I don't plan on starting now."

Shaun had turned back to look at her fully, and her heart ached at the uncertainty that was still lingering on his face. It had been reduced, but it was still there. She wondered if it always would be, in some way. Her heart ached to wonder, but she knew that it would be within good reason. He hadn't had very many positive experiences with relationships in the past. One night, he had opened up to her about what had happened when he was younger, with that girl Colleen from his school, and how she had tricked him just so her friends could corner him and laugh. And she knew firsthand the pain he went through when he'd found Lea and trusted her with his heart only to have her leave him in the dust only a few short days later. It left him wary, of love, she knew.

But now it was beginning to dawn on her that maybe those things had helped to make him feel unworthy of it, too.

"I really like you, Shaun," she murmured, knowing not to claim anything further right now. It would be too much to spring for. Even though she knew that there was a better word to use, and one that would mean about a million times more. This was enough. For now, this was just right. She looked at him imploringly, begging him to listen and understand. "You're perfect. You're…the most anyone has meant to me, before, I think." This was said softly, and with her own breed of doubt. All the same, she handed him this piece of her heart and trusted him not to drop it. "I really want you to understand…there isn't a single thing you could do to make me happier. Because you've already made me so happy."

He looked at her searchingly for a long moment more. His hands were wringing together, and she slowly reached over to take hold of them instead. Their fingers intertwined, and she smiled adoringly; she felt like her heart was swelling, to take up her entire chest. But it was nothing compared to the rush she got when Shaun declared softly, with nothing but heartfelt honesty: "I want to be enough for you."

She beamed. At the words, she let go of Shaun's hands and leaned in instead to kiss him. She didn't make a habit out of surprising him with them; she knew he liked it better when they were anticipated. Sometimes, though, she would purposefully startle him with a quick peck here and there, because she loved to watch him go beet red and duck away. And sometimes she liked to feel him go rigid with surprise, like he did now.

It took him a stuttering second to wrap his mind around the change, but when he did, Claire smiled against his lips when she felt his hand reach up to knit into her hair. She felt him edge closer to her, and it made her chest warm even more. Like everything else in their relationship, kissing had taken time in order to be what it was now. At first, they'd only shared chaste ones that were tiny and fleeting— they still conveyed the same amount of emotion, and they still meant something to both of them. They had just been shyer, and Shaun had always been quick to pull away with a bit of self-consciousness, like he was worried he'd done something wrong.

They'd built on that, with patience and support, and by now it was much easier. Kissing Shaun was more natural now, and it was absolutely hands-down Claire's favorite thing to do. She got those stupid butterflies in her stomach that you were only supposed to have in high school when she felt him lean in closer; she encouraged him by looping her arms gently around the back of his neck. For a second – and surely it was only a few sparse ones, though it certainly felt much longer to Claire – they just shared in this closeness, both of them saying all they needed to in the simple give and take of lips.

When they mutually drew apart, to hopefully get their breathing back under control, Claire smiled brilliantly again. Shaun was flushed and grinning, and his hand still stayed against her temple, like he didn't want to let her go. She loved him so much, her heart hurt with it. "You are enough for me, Shaun," she promised, as if it needed saying still. He weakened, but she only smiled more. "You've always been enough for me…it just took me a little while to realize it. So, I'm not about to just forget it." With a twinkle in her eyes, her lips pursed a little bit as she feigned disappointment. "You're just stuck with me, I'm sorry to say," she teased.

Shaun brightened. "Good," he murmured.

Claire could have said more – she could have really embarrassed herself and launched into full detail why exactly Shaun was everything she had ever wanted – but she figured it was getting pretty late, and Melendez wouldn't appreciate the two of them falling asleep on the operating table tomorrow. With those long hours, it was already tempting. So, she just leaned over and planted another small peck on his lips, keeping it much shorter this time. And, pulling away and starting to lay back down, she offered him a tender: "Goodnight, Shaun."

"Goodnight, Claire," he returned, just as softly. But he didn't move to settle back. He stayed sitting up, turning his gaze back to his hands. She fell back against her pillow and drew the blankets up her chin. She twisted so she could be on her side, and she closed her eyes with a tiny sigh. It had been a long day— longer than normal, with the impromptu dinner party they'd had with Carly. Dinner and a show, really. So, she was pretty ready to hit the hay. But her eyes flickered open immediately when Shaun spoke again. His voice was a tiny rasp, like it didn't even want to come out in the first place. "I didn't…" He trailed off.

She blinked and turned back around so she could look at him. She didn't say anything, but when he refused to look at her, she pushed herself up again. She was patient, and merely looked at him expectantly, knowing whatever it was would come out on its own terms. And it did. And for the second time that night, it wasn't anything she expected. Somehow, Shaun always had a way of surprising her. "I didn't want to sing…because I meant it." She wilted, not sure what he meant. She said nothing, and he went on, with apparent difficulty. "I meant it, and…I was worried you didn't."

Her shoulders slumped, and her heart tore. Silence followed his confession; she wasn't sure what to say, to it. Claire glanced down at the blankets before she leaned to the side, resting down against his shoulder. She reached out and took one of his hands in both of hers, making sure to apply no pressure at all with the hold. Claire murmured softly: "It hurts when you don't understand how great you are." She paused a moment, before she amended softer: "It hurts when you don't see what I see."

Shaun kept staring straight ahead. "I've never seen what you see," he admitted, the words seeming to echo in the dark.

It brought a lump to her throat. "Maybe it's just because you've never looked hard enough."

Shaun said nothing to this. He was silent.

She was quiet too, for what felt like a long time. She had no idea what time it was, even. But eventually, a thought occurred to her. Or…reoccurred. She had thought it earlier that night, when it had first happened, and she had snagged on it, then. But only for about half a second, before she'd abandoned the wonder for something she figured more important. Now, it was hitting her again, and she found she couldn't move past it, this time. "You got some of it wrong," she announced. Shaun looked back down at her. "You mixed up some of your words…you said 'brother' not 'mother', at the end."

He blinked. It took him a second to track down what she was even talking about. "I did?"

"Yeah." The singular word was heavier than usual. She knew about Steve— Shaun had told her after about a month into dating. The story of everything – his father, the abuse, the rabbit, Doctor Glassman, the warehouse – had been told very point-blank and straightforward. But his voice had hitched just slightly in some parts, and in others he had refused to look at her. She knew the story behind the toy scalpel he was holding that day they had first met, and she knew why it was so important to him. It hadn't really occurred to her just how important the tiny slip-up in those lines had been. At the time, she had just been so happy in the moment that it had been easily dismissed. And maybe it was just an accident. The two words were close, after all.

But maybe it wasn't.

Shaun was tight-lipped, and staring again.

She looked at him a little worriedly. "Shaun?" she prompted. "Are you okay?"

"I meant it more, that way," he murmured, after the hesitation. Still, he kept his gaze straight ahead. He looked like he was in pain. "I…loved Steve. And I lost him. I'll never be able to get him back, and I miss him every day. I don't want to lose you, too. I love you," she stiffened, "and…I'm waiting for that to get taken from me, too. Somehow." It was said very honestly, without any bitterness. Like it was common knowledge the universe was against him and there was nothing to be done about it. Her heart twisted, where it already was lodged up in her throat. "I want to make sure what happened with Steve doesn't happen with you. I don't want you to leave. But…there's nothing I can do…just like with him. So I'm scared."

"Don't be," she tried, knowing it wasn't enough. Her voice cracked. "I'm not going anywhere." She paused, the words sticking, somehow, even though they had been fighting to get out since about three weeks into their relationship. Now that they were finally given the opportunity to make their appearance, it was difficult. But she finally let them loose, to hang in the air between them. "Because I love you too." He looked at her, and the expression on his face was enough to rip her heart in half. "Nothing bad is ever going to happen, Shaun. Ever. And if something does happen…we'll stick through it together, because that's what couples do. You don't have to worry about whether or not you're good enough for me, because you are. And you don't have to worry about keeping me, because you will. Those things will never change."

He seemed reluctant. But after a second, he managed a small smile.

She made a face. "No more worrying, or keeping things to yourself," she announced. "From now on, you tell me when you have something on your mind, so I can tell you you're being completely ridiculous." She raised her eyebrows. "You've got to promise me you will, so I know."

"I promise."

She smiled. "Good." She looked at her boyfriend – she loved to associate the title with him, even if it was just to herself – and she felt her chest burn again. Her expression turned softer, and she tilted her head more to the side. "I understand, Shaun," she murmured, "that things haven't been easy for you. Especially things like this. And…you might not be willing to trust that I'll be any different. But I will be. I'll be different, for you, I promise. Because you deserve to have something go right, for you." She smiled tenderly, and she gave a self-assured nod. "I'll go right for you," she pledged. "I'll make you happy."

Shaun smiled. She could see the lingering fear in the back of his eyes, like a ghost that was haunting him. She knew it would be there for a while, and it would only go away in fractions. It pained her to see it there, but she knew he just needed time, and healing. She would give him both. The fear was only there because they had something important— something he didn't want to lose. She could share that same feeling. "You already make me happy," Shaun gushed, accentuating this point with the admission. She could see that happiness there. And he could see how unwilling he was to lose it.

She would ensure he wouldn't have to.

They both laid down again and pulled the blankets back up into place. Claire hesitated before she shuffled to the side the tiniest bit, to be closer to Shaun. He didn't reject her or right the distance. He edged a little closer, too. She smiled, the tiny baby step making her heart painfully happy. A smile spread over her face as she closed her eyes, comforted now, by the fact she'd reassured Shaun, and his nearer proximity. Maybe she would have to reassure him again, later on down the road. Maybe, in some way, she would have to do it every day. She would be willing, though. She would be more than willing.

"Why does love make you feel helpless?" Shaun asked, breaking the silence again.

Claire's smile didn't waver; she didn't open her eyes. "Because you're giving yourself up to that person, I guess," she mused. "You're just…trusting that they aren't going to let you down…you don't really have any say in what they do…so I guess that's what it meant."

A beat of silence. Before a tiny mumble of: "You make me feel helpless."

She slowly began to soften. "Is that a good thing?"

His answer was steady, and assured. "I think you're a very good thing."

She melted. Still keeping her eyes closed, she shuffled slowly more to the side, allowing him the space to reject her as he saw fit. He never said anything, and she settled down so her head was resting against his shoulder. Still, he said nothing. Her heart positively ached as she yawned: "I think you're a very good thing, too."

She didn't have to open her eyes to see the smile that lit up Shaun's face.


End file.
